life...

There is a gorgeously cool breeze blowing in my windows, thanks to the rain that rolled through earlier. After a week of 90's and humidity and no air conditioning, this feels *amazing*. But now it's time for bed. I live in a 'garden level' apartment. So do I close up the windows - leaving them open just the crack that the security bars allow - and close off all of this goodness flowing in? Or do I leave them open and TRUST Someone to keep me safe while I sleep, vulnerable in my bed?

Do I shut off the good that's flowing in because I'm scared and feel comforted by the illusion of control? Or do I let the good continue to flow in and TRUST?

small talk...

hello?

(saturday)

i accidentally walked by your house on saturday. i didn't mean to. i was so careful NOT to, on my way to the library. but. on the way home  ....i was thinking about the rain, the bus card i had just given to that man, my bag of groceries, the final Twilight book waiting to be read. and i turned - a block too early or a block too late. and i stopped in my tracks when i realized. and almost turned around and went back the way i came. but that would be silly. what are the odds you would be home and looking out your window, the right window, at the right moment, so you would see me going by on the street just then. so i kept going. and felt sad. sad for no longer being able to call you up, or ring your doorbell, and say - hey i'm going by your house! and maybe stop in out of the rain for a bit. so i kept going.

today on my walk...

I saw:

2 robins, looking at me

lots of fuzzy black caterpillars on the ground

1 cat laying in the shade (on the other side of the street so i didn't pet him)

1 rabbit laying in a "For Sale" lot of land ... maybe he was contemplating putting a home there

1 dog, looking at 4 rabbits. that dog wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.

3 ducks - 2 male, 1 female. the female made it clear which duck she preferred.

... the night wind blows possibilities thru my house ... 

everyone...

Everyone should have their own porch or balcony... 

a place to be outside, without worrying what your hair looks like. 

dear head...

...please hold still
...please stop spinning
...please relax
...please feel what you need to
...please don't betray me
...please sort things out while i sleep
...please remember what it was like before. i liked it then.

Friday night

dinner and ice skating...  

7 to 10 days...

we wait. and pray.